CHOICE
THEORY: A New Explanation Of How We Control Our Lives
Wm. Glasser
Basic Needs:
1.
To survive and
reproduce (old brain) – breathing, digesting, sweating, regulating blood
pressure, immune system
2.
To belong, love,
share and co-operate (new brain - i.e. cortex)
3.
For power - can
conflict with #2 (marriage), but loss of power can result in loss of #2
4. For freedom
5.
For fun - may be a
basic genetic instruction because it is the way in which we learn, at any age
Pictures in our Heads:
·
An "album"
of need satisfiers e.g. preferred foods, love object, alcohol, job (power), -
not the same as memory.
·
Old people don't
update their 'photos', dwelling more on past satisfiers when they were more
effective.
·
‘Photos’ of a mate
may be updated if a new, more satisfying mate is obtained.
·
Anorexics have an
ideal model photo which drives them to become ever thinner.
·
Alcoholics see booze
as satisfying any and all needs - very difficult to remove this 'photo' - AA
can ‘move’ it back in the album, day at a time, but not out. If they fail to attend and be active in AA,
they will slip back.
·
Homosexuals have
pictures in their albums of sexual satisfaction with same sex - very difficult
to remove.
·
Sex Deviates -
pedophiles - have a picture that they only want sex with children - society
requires that they either lead sexually frustrated lives or go to prison.
·
It is difficult to
change our own pictures - even more difficult to persuade others to change
theirs - requires negotiation and compromise.
·
People living
together won't have the same pictures.
·
Siblings must have
pleasurable shared pictures which can form a base for liking each other's
company.
Depression, misery, etc. is generated
internally: a chosen response to
external stimuli. If instead we DO
(i.e. ACT) something, we feel better than if we sink into depression and misery
or anxiety. Other responses are anger
and forms of illness. The reason that we choose these techniques is to get others
to help us, or to control them.
Reorganization:
A random stream of minimal but sometimes
well-organized new behaviours that come to our consciousness and are available
for us to try if 1) we pay attention to them and 2) it appears that they may
help us regain control of our lives. We
may continue to depress if our creative systems cannot come up with an
effective alternative to our present misery.
It is this constant reorganization that creates a stream of new ways to
do, think and feel that makes each of us a unique personality. Reorganization is an ancient survival
technique - to continuously create-: to
stop creating (in a species) is to lose the capacity to compete and
survive. The system itself is not value
based - has no knowledge of right from wrong, good/bad, smart/dumb - its only purpose
is to create new ideas/coping behaviours (LIKE BRAINSTORMING). The system cannot have bias, or otherwise
gems could be lost. It is essential to develop a 'listening' attitude to the creative 'voice'. This
reorganization creativity comes from the unconscious level,
however we ourselves
are responsible for implementing
ideas.
Psychosomatic Illness: "Activate the Fighting System"
Coronary artery disease, rheumatoid arthritis,
eczema, ileitis, colitis, peptic
ulcers, migraines, some back aches, multiple
sclerosis; where the immune system is being driven by the old brain
to come up with re-organizational processes
beyond the body's capability.
"The system eats itself up".
Voodoo rites an example. On the
other hand are "miracle
cures" where the system heals the body by itself (cancer).
1.
Opiates - Codeine,
Percoden. Morphine, and Heroin - mimic the natural opiate secretions of the
brain.
2.
Marijuana and LSD -
makes the world appear easier and more pleasurable to deal with. LSD provides new sensory experiences, but
can lead to hallucinations. Society
frowns on marijuana because chronic users have little motivation to pursue the cultural work ethic.
3.
Alcohol gives a powerful sense of control - users,
while actually losing control as consumption increases, act as if they believe
that whatever they do will increase the control they falsely believe they
have. Unique action - no other drug
acts to increase a SENSE of control that is actually being lost. (It probably causes the brain to secrete
natural pleasure drug used as a control reward). The alcoholic believes that whatever he does
is effective, including violence, and his confidence falsely increases.
4.
Caffeine. Nicotine
and Cocaine - also Methedrine, Dexedrine and Benazedrine - energize the
behavioural system and may for a short time actually provide increased
control (as opposed to alcohol's false control) e.g. Nethedrine – used by the
Germans in their blitzkrieg of WWII, or the Andean Indians chewing coca
leaf. Cocaine increasingly ‘drives’ the
behavioural system, and the re-organizational component becomes increasingly
frantic/crazy.
5.
Common barbiturates,
Valium, Quaaludes - mainly prescribed to help tense patients relax; also to
sedate the behavioural system. Valium
sedates but also has a pleasure component similar to heroin.
Many drugs inhibit the old brain from secreting
natural pleasure drugs, and it may take years for balance to be restored.
Criticism:
If we want to keep control over our lives, we must
not only learn to avoid criticizing others, but equally stop
criticizing ourselves.
·
“Let's both look at
what we are both doing in this situation to see where it is working and where
it is not."
·
Praise is a good
motivator if it is spontaneous and variable to performance.
· Reward and punishment are not as good motivators
because they inject the idea of external control (e.g. they threaten or
interfere with the subject's own control system).
·
Japanese
control-theory management involves a lot of communication and feedback and
out-performs traditional stimulus - response techniques.
Taking Control:
·
Don't stubbornly hold
out for “pictures” that can't be satisfied, using depression, anxiety or
psycho-somatic illness and driving our reconstructive creativity to
distraction.
·
For relationships to
grow experiences must be planned on a regular basis. Also fall back on proven shared satisfiers.
·
Off the chemical
intervention/support.
·
Action techniques are
preferable to falling back on depression or anxiety and misery. “The better choice is always a doing
behaviour”.
Children:
“Try as hard as possible to teach, show and help
your children to gain effective control of THEIR lives.” Never do anything to or for a child that
will cause a child to lose control. All
their “irresponsible” behaviours are their attempts to gain control of their
lives. If they blame their parents for
loss, even more control is lost.”
·
Take our
pictures of what we want children to become, out of our heads - replace them
with short-term pictures (help around home, caring for possessions, friendly,
being able to talk to us when we differ).
Discipline rather than punish.
·
Tendency with grown
children is for parents to continue to do too much to and for
their children, since it is increasingly difficult to do things with
them. In turn, the children view what
is done for them as an attempt to control them - they then withdraw and stay
away. The parents then may depress to
instill guilt on the child, and thereby control it.
“To keep on good terms with adult children,
continue to be warm and loving, but do as little as possible for them
and to them, as much with them as you both enjoy, and respect
them enough to be willing to leave them alone if this is what they want.”
Positive Addiction – running, meditation
Runners not only gain a great deal of physical
strength and health, but significantly increase their mental strength through
gaining access to the constant creativity that is inside all of us.
Great people play close attention to their innate
creativity and give careful consideration to what it offers. Adds a sma1l but important dimension to
their lives. A meditating runner does
not concern self with times, shoes, diet, body-to-fat ratios or even talk about
his private running, his source of meditation. (In Zen this is called satori.)
Glasser’s Concept of ‘Total Behavior’ –
Human behavior is an inseparable unity of
·
acting
·
thinking
·
feeling
·
physiology
Keith and Marnie Elliott’s “REMEDY” Site
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